Consulting Series Part 3-Letting Go Without Losing Control
Letting Go Without Losing Control
How to Delegate, Empower, and Lead Without Creating Chaos
Because true leadership isn’t about being in charge of everything.
It’s about building something that works even when you’re not in the room.
Letting go is essential. But when done without structure, it becomes a liability.
Delegation without expectation-setting, or trust without accountability, creates confusion, culture rot, and, sometimes, a weaponization of leadership boundaries.
I’ve lived it — both the chaos of doing too much and the sting of trusting too blindly. Here’s what I’ve learned.
When “Just Trust Me” Becomes a Threat
Trust is a two-way street. Leaders must be able to say, “The buck stops with me” — not just financially, but operationally. That includes supporting the process, the people, and the rollout with training, project management, and oversight. Everyone loses the moment “you don’t trust me?!” becomes a shaming tactic used to deflect from performance or avoid accountability.
And it does get flipped. Staff who are overwhelmed or unprepared may turn a reasonable check-in into a personal attack. If expectations were never clearly defined, fear will fill in the blanks. That’s when gaslighting sneaks in — subtle pushback, defensive tone, confusion presented as complexity. But it’s not complicated. It’s just uncomfortable.
Let me say this plainly: accountability is not micromanagement.
It’s how we protect the work — and the people doing it.
Set the stage. Communicate clearly. Invite input where it’s appropriate. Listen to your staff, but ask that they listen to you too. Their ideas may be gold — but they may not be possible, yet. Respect flows both ways, but it begins with clarity. If you’ve taken the time to prepare your team for change, it’s not unreasonable to expect follow-through and results.
If your team treats accountability like an insult, you don’t have a trust issue.
You have a leadership culture problem.
Define It Before You Delegate It
You can’t expect what you haven’t defined. That bears repeating — especially for entrepreneurs:
You can’t expect what you haven’t defined.
That includes scope, timeline, outcome, communication cadence — all of it.
When you present a new idea or change in operations, you have a very short window to make it make sense. Staff will check out if they’re too busy to absorb it, if you ramble, or if the idea sounds too overwhelming to execute. I’ve been there. Caught mid-brainstorm, full of energy, barely articulating the vision before launching into action. I used to get so excited that I’d practically staple people to my back and drag them along for the ride. They weren’t ready — and it wasn’t fair.
My inner circle eventually learned how to wrangle me. One of my former clients once groaned, “Marnie, not another analogy.” Another time, my ex-husband interrupted my passionate planning and said, “MARNIE — I’m listening to you,” which of course meant: please finish a thought before you start another.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard came from the CEO of 1-800-GOT-JUNK. He said that founders often have manic energy — and that when they burst into a room, full of ideas, it feels like being thrown onto a rollercoaster with no warning or seatbelt. It’s exhausting for the people who don’t think that way.
Know your audience. If your message is important — slow down. Prepare it.
Run it by your “animal wranglers” first.
Desperation Decisions Disguised as Enthusiasm
Here’s a trap I know too well: drowning in operations, spotting a shiny new platform, and signing the contract with more adrenaline than planning. I’ve launched new systems or vendors with such gusto that my staff practically ran the other direction. Not because they weren’t capable — but because I hadn’t given them what they needed to make it work. No time. No roadmap. No backup.
When you’re desperate, everything looks like a lifeline. But not every tool — or consultant — can deliver without time, planning, and team buy-in.
If something is important enough to roll out, it’s important enough to roll out well. Your staff is your most important audience. Reassure them. Back your decisions with support, not just excitement. And when the launch excitement fades — as it always does — that’s when the real leadership begins.
Sometimes, the red flag isn’t the project. It’s the person. If someone can’t give a clean handoff, can’t provide a simple status update, or seems offended when asked to report — pay attention. That’s how morale rots. That’s how trust erodes.
I had a star performer who owned training and implementation. She was so good — thorough, clear, consistent — that her excellence became invisible. People started taking her for granted. She never forgot a recap. She never left a question unanswered. She held it together when the rest of us didn’t. But she needed relief, and I failed to give her enough. Eventually, she left. And we all felt it.
Delegation is not abdication. You’re still responsible for what happens, even if you think you had no other option.
The Three-Legged Stool: Teeter-Proof
Our company was never huge — but it was complex. We served clients nationwide and had to respond to local quirks, state regulations, and rapidly evolving needs. Our secret weapon? We didn’t build a “C-suite.” We built a three-legged stool.
It was me, our CFO, and our CIO. We jokingly called ourselves that — the three-legged stool — because we had balance, trust, and a built-in challenge function. No one was above critique. No one was an island.
The stool wasn’t just stable — it was scrappy. We worked in the trenches. We had our blind spots, sure, but we also had each other’s backs. We didn’t just trust — we shared data, asked hard questions, and checked each other’s assumptions.
That’s where leadership lives. Not in titles, but in interdependence.
The Myth of the Unicorn Staffer
One amazing person can hold a lot together — until they leave. Then what?
Firing myself from being the CFO of my own company was the best thing I ever did. Not just because someone else was better at it — but because it made the whole system stronger. It created space. It gave us resilience. If she was out sick, my CIO and I could step in. No panic. No scrambling.
That’s what real systems do. They bend. They don’t break.
“Everyone is replaceable” isn’t a threat. It’s a promise — a protective one.
Because if one person’s absence can bring your business to a halt… you don’t have a business.
You have a dependency.
Systems, not heroes. That’s the goal.
Structure Is Not Control — It’s Respect
Set meeting agendas. Use reports. Ask hard questions. Follow up. Follow through.
It takes effort. But it saves you from chaos, confusion, and quiet resentment.
Good people want clarity. They want defined roles, shared feedback, and transparent goals. They want to do excellent work — and they want to know they’re not doing it alone.
The rest? They just want you to stop asking questions.
You get to decide who you build with.
Leadership That Breathes
You don’t have to do it all.
But if you don’t define, structure, and check in — you’re not leading. You’re leaving.
Let go — but stay present.
Be willing to trust — and strong enough to inspect.
Because leadership isn’t about controlling everything.
It’s about creating something that works — even when you’re not in the room. Still with me? Great. Now tell me—where does your business need to be louder, bolder, braver? Stay Connected: Discovery Form: Listening for What's Not Working.